Do you feel like when you are in pain you try to rationalize why its happening to you. What did you do to deserve this? Whenever i get cramps, its because I am experiencing what many people with Uterus' feel and go through because of the shedding of the uterus lining. I still try to justify that its happening to me because I was rude to someone. I always try to rationalize why I blame myself for things happening to me. Things that are my fault, I totally take ownership of. I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and now I stubbed my toe on a table or chair leg. I've overeaten and now I have a stomach ache and I cant undo it. I have to deal with the repercussions of my choices. Things I don't choose, that's where the complexity begins.
I have never been decided on if i actually want kids. I believe that in theory birthing is a beautiful and magical experience. especially for people who truly want to birth a child. Its beautiful to see the human you made, grown in a living host willing to take on the responsibility to protect and nurture its occupant to the best of their ability. I would much rather not go through the pain but also not take any pain medications. I have a strong desire to not take anything stronger than OTC pain meds. Addictions are phobias of mine, thus my monthly suffering i must endure.
I have friends with serious chronic pain and its heart wrenching to see them power through. I honestly start debating if I can miss work for a week every month and how long until i get fired. Then I look at my adorable apartment and babygirl boxer doggo and I get up and go. I put on a smile and work and while my back feels like I slept on a sack of lumpy uneven potatoes and my head is thudding and my stomach is in knots and my nether region feels like every muscle down there is cramped, I have to be polite and smile at work.
I just want to work remotely from home and be paid well enough to afford a hot tub I can stay in for the remainder of my menstruation. Is that to much to ask?
